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1991: Linus Torvalds is pissed he can't access his university's UNIX servers to his liking, so he wrote the code that would become your DNA. Which I guess is better than your parents just getting blind drunk and conceiving you in their Vegas drive-through honeymoon suite.
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March 13 1994: Judging by
this pretty ******** looking log file, your version 1.0 was release on this day 15 years ago.
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1996: You're two years old, and you already have a logo.
Tux the penguin is created.
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1998: Richard Stallman, kind of like your step dad, shaves his beard. It grows back to the same fullness the next day.
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November 2000: The
first Linux-powered cellphone is announced, the IMT-2000 in Korea. It was developed by SK Telecom, Seoul National University and "PalmPalm Technology."
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2003: IBM releases those creepy ads comparing
Linux to an (autistic?) sponge-like kid soaking up all the world's knowledge.
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2004: Ubuntu's first release. You're going mainstream kind of!
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???: Linux will finally power the toaster in my home.